Reminders, Reminders

Sulit ba ang kahirapan
Upang mapunan ang iyong karangyaan?
Kitain mo kami
Ngayon o bukas
Upang maintindihan mo
Ang aming kinabukasan
Sabi mo mahal mo
Ang bansang iyong sinilangan
Ngunit ang patuloy naming katanungan
Idinaan sa kantang
“Mahal ka ba niya talaga?”
Aminin mo lahat ng iyong binubudhi
Bago mo sabihing
Ika’y tama para sa amin.
Oo lahat ay nagkakamali
Ngunit ang mapili
Dapat parin bang gumawa ng mali?
Walang kasiguraduhan sa panahon
Ang kailangan marahil
Ay kung ano ang tama sa nakararami
Di kung ano ang para sa sarili.

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The Fault in Our Stars (book review)

“Okay.”
“Okay.”

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Why did I even read this? For the quick read? Or for me to feel young again? Back in the day when I read to understand what it feels like to fall in love, what feels like to be rejected, what it feels like to live in a superficial world where everything I wanted was given?

None of what I thought was accurate. Except maybe for the quick read part. Or maybe because it was marketed as a book about cancer. I didn’t have one but I know many who does. I lost my mom to cancer.

Technicalities first: this is a story about a girl with cancer with unlikely treatable reassurances who meets the man who would make her believe in fate, that she somehow deserves a piece of happiness despite her circumstances, during one of the Cancer kids group. He, too, has cancer. Except he has been in remission longer than expected. He pretends he smoke just for the irony, but he explains this to her in the manner that would make all the kids reading this talk like they know what they’re talking about. They’re both cynical because cynicism is the only thing that can make them understand that they’re not like any other kids, that thinking about the future isn’t a fun science project, or philosophy assignment. After granting a Make A Wish wish they visit their common hero, a man whose book has inspired them both to understand that life has it’s questions, there is no definite ending to it because they seem to think that the writer understands what they must be going through. They visit the author who lives thousands of miles away via plane trip, in the land of daisies, the red light district, and of Anne Frank’s museum. Solemn, Risque, and Depressingly Hopeful. Plus you’ll find Several Upper Case Words in the book which don’t seem relevant but They’re Still Written That Way.

The trip was hopeful but it turned out to be blissful and disappointing. As soon as they head back to the states they come back to reality, and then we get to the sad parts. One of them dies and the way it was written, well, it was sad. I admit I cried as soon as that chapter began because it was all so sudden.

I usually read the last pages first as soon as I start a book, just so I get hooked on to it. I read this book’s last page thinking that it might end then. But we get to the parts of the aftermath, where one wants to expect that it will all turn out to be okay, but it doesn’t of course. The resolution is that everything wasn’t taken for granted. The ride was enough and I guess that makes it an Okay Kind of Young Adult Fiction. It’s not well written, but it can hang by and stay as a classic for future readers.

Diaspora

These trees with falling leaves
Over broken hearts and shattered dreams
I’ve heard that line before
I spoke to one whore

That puzzled look
She gave to that cook
Who clutched all her pots
As the ship landed
All her nervousness understood
None of these things are needed

Once it’s been given
One cannot take it
That’s what the old man said
But why our land had been forsaken
To men and women whose names where never there?

Of Mice and Men
The whore had said
Once it’s been given
It can always be taken away
Remember child
It can always be taken away

Sleepless Thoughts

I’ve never seen anyone outside my family sleep before.

Let me rephrase that.

I’ve never watched anyone sleep before. Even from members of my family.

Today, I just witnessed the man I love sleep soundly in just five seconds.

Let me rephrase that again.

He went into deep slumber and snored heavily.
Apparently with the exception of his sleepless days before presenting his thesis in college, he has never been wide awake for twenty-four hours.
I’m an expert on sleepless nights. I mean, come on, look at me:

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I’ve had days where I just spend hours outdoors drinking, catching up on films, jogging even, attending food trips with friends, or with him, or with my sister, and basically doing anything I can think of to make my day or days off worthwhile. I even went to a concert and felt alive the whole time.

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See? I looked fine there and I held one of the greatest conversations I have had in a long time. I even drank beer several times and not a single eye closed (except whenever I blink). But this guy, this man I love, he fell tired. The most exhausted, I think, he’s ever been.

I know all this lack of sleep is gonna toll on me, and he’s being a good example of a healthy person by making sure he gets his eight hours full of sleep.

So what do I do to get myself to sleep? It’s like preparing for a marathon, where instead of going for a full body’s stretch I go for a few minutes (or maybe about 60 minutes, really, or maybe about 120) of tiring my mind. I’d go play a couple of games on my phone, like City Island 1 and 2. I don’t use cheats so I’m still on level 45 on CI1 although I’ve been playing this for 2 months and level 34 on CI2 because I’ve reset my land three times and the only time the way the streets and the walkway and the waterway seemed okay was when my artsy twin sister played it. Once I’m done getting all the coins and upgraded some of the properties I move on to 2048. I’ve only been able to get 2048 during Practice Mode, but I’m always close to getting it on Classic Mode but my brain cells don’t seem to work well when I’m about to sleep.

So basically it’s simple. I have to work my brain cells out to get to sleep. But he? He only needs about 5 minutes to get to sleep. He just closes his eyes and voilĂ !

Responsible Reader

Not all poems
Are about love.
This one screams
About troubles in dreams
Soccer players in teams
Lips covered in coffee foams
Like trees that rise above.
I meant to fill these words
With lingering feelings
Whatever swords I choose
In this dream, I find one appealing.
I’d rather doubt this feeling.
Remorse, remorse, remorse.
All these tremors I’ve been feeling.
Our concourse has ended.
You and I and her appended.

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